124 The art of vulnerability

It’s true. We are all vulnerable. But there is an art to being vulnerable with others. In this podcast episode, we talk about the art of vulnerability.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Elihu (as quoted in Job 33:6):

“I am just like you before God; I too have been taken from clay.“

Authentic vulnerability connects us with one another as we share our weaknesses, intending to provide empathy and help. In this episode, Leary and Armin discuss what we risk when we are vulnerable, why vulnerability is important, why we choose not to be vulnerable, and how to tell whether a situation is appropriate for vulnerability.

Quotes from the show:

• “We all have our vulnerabilities. We all have our soft spots. We all have things within us that are broken. And…vulnerability is really an admission of that, an acceptance of that.” —Leary
• “Vulnerability comes when you…say something about your brokenness or mistake or some [personal] flaw, but there’s a risk in doing it. You risk more when you say it.” —Leary
• “Vulnerability occurs when we have no good answer to the question, ‘Why?'” —Leary
• “I don’t think you can have vulnerability and not have empathy come as a consequence of it. The big benefit of vulnerability is the empathy it creates. When you have empathy, [its] outgrowth…is trust.” —Leary
• “[People] willing to put themselves out first in terms of being vulnerable, more often than not,…[become] the catalyst to [create] a culture of honesty [and] of vulnerability where people actually open up. It becomes a culture that almost sucks people into it.” —Armin
• “Vulnerability is the ultimate way to connect, to lead, to speak.” —Armin
• “[The Jews and disciples] all got it wrong about who [Jesus] was. Who are we to think that we can control the narrative well enough that everyone will get it right about us? That’s what allows for true vulnerability—the recognition that everyone is going to get it wrong anyway so you might as well be who you are.” —Leary
• “Vulnerability should come from a shared sense of loss, when there is something that someone else will gain by your being vulnerable. Otherwise, you end up being that person no one wants to hang around because they are high maintenance, they are always needy and telling you something about themselves that is broken [or]defective, and you get the sense that they’re inviting you to fix it.” —Leary
• “The most common mistake with vulnerability is not going first. [It is also a mistake to share] without regard for someone else [or] sharing information that should be private.” —Leary

This week’s Challenge Me:

Go out and be vulnerable. There is an opportunity this week to take a risk and open up something that’s going on with you with another person. Start with your family, your spouse or parent or sibling. Disclose something that you aren’t looking for a solution for and that will help the other person.

Comments? Questions? Stories from your own life? Share them with us in the comments below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast episode:

• Episode 114, “How to Regain Trust.”
• Brené Brown’s book, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead.
• Dancing guy video.
• The movie, Finding Forester.